The Dogs Bollocks, Gardens, 06.02.12

After reading Eat Out’s online newsletter, a restaurant called “The Dogs’ Bollocks” caught my attention – as it would! It turns out that it’s not really a restaurant but rather a take away burger joint in an alley. As the Eat Out article explained, the concept is gourmet burgers, positioned in Roodehek street in Gardens. One orders one’s food and is welcome to sit down at the “Waffle Bum” seats, as the article stated. I loved this quote and they were 100%. Metal garden chairs from the 80’s that give you “waffle bum” are placed inside the alley for use, once orders have been ordered and paid for by the customer. Sit back, relax and wait for the sets of 5 to be completed so that one can order or chow down.

The owner is a quirky man with an old school vibe. His rules: he only cooks 5 burgers at a time, so you might have to split your order with another table if it ends up in a set of 5. Initially I went looking for The Dogs’ Bollocks during lunch time as Eat Out had said it was open from 11am, this isn’t the case, as the take away’s board says, it’s open from 5pm. The black chalk board with the day’s selection of gourmet toppings claims “Best Burgers in Cape Town” which has been ‘voted’ – by whom may I ask? Unfortunately, I don’t really think this is true. There are some pretty great burger joints in town so it’s quite a challenge to claim this feat after being open such a short time.

Is this to say that I didn’t enjoy my meal? No! I did enjoy my meal! I enjoyed the “waffle bum” seats, the fact that you can buy your own ice and cool drinks at the Shell Garage around the corner to accompany the tubes of wine on sale, or even bring your own beers along! I even enjoyed my burger but is it the best burger in town? Not really and this is why:

The HUGE roll and portion of lettuce, tomato and onion were fun, the beef patty was tasty, however, it’s only a 1.5cm patty about a pita bread circle in size. Due to this composition it means that it’s one colour all the way through – well cooked. HUGE in fact. I had the mole which was very tasty (a lot better than El Burro’s mole which I ended up leaving on my plate) but if you’re the best burger joint in town, then surely the star of the meal should be the actual burger? Not the sauce, salad or toppings?

My partner doesn’t like salad so I asked if the Po Boy would be a better option? The man said it was a bit pointless having a Po Boy without salad, the cheese burger would be a better way to go. This makes me think that the Po Boy isn’t the star of the meal, which, if you’re running a burger joint, the burgers should be the star of the meal, nothing else. The rice shouldn’t be better than your fish. Your spinach shouldn’t be better than your steak. Unfortunately, as tasty as my burger was, it wouldn’t be half the burger without the toppings and giant size portion.

This is a 500ml glass Coke bottle next to my burger, yes, HUGE! I prefer a 1 inch burger, cooked medium so it’s juicy and pink with a lovely grilled slightly “crunchy” exterior that the extras “beef” up. Not an ok patty that is held up by the extras. Catch my drift? Would I return to the Dogs’ Bollocks? Yes, I probably would. It was a fun and fresh experience and good for a giggle. Is it the best burger in Cape Town? Not for me, Royale’s “Cosa Nostra” still has my vote
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