While sitting in front of tele tonight I did the usual Twitter reading session while the ads were on. I stumbled upon a blog post by Charlene, a blogger that I follow, but whose blog I had yet to visit. So I clicked on her link which said, “I shared a personal post on my blog yesterday… http://www.geewhiskers.com/2015/06/a-personal-reflection.html …”
She wrote a brief note about self-worth as a woman and her collaboration with a local photography artist. While short, her post rang true for me and I was inspired to write my own. The two points she made that really stood out to me were, the first:
“I tend to always feel that I am not good enough or the work I do isn’t good enough. JP is always on my case about this and constantly telling me how great I am, but it just never sinks in because I don’t believe it to be true. This isn’t a recent development, it is something I have quietly felt for many years.”
WHY DO WE LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULDN’T MATTER TO US?
I think it’s totally crazy how similarly I feel. I have such loving friends and a super supportive family and partner (who also absolutely adores me and says I’m his most magical and favourite person on the whole planet), yet a part of me feels like I have absolutely no skills, everything I do is subpar and that I’ll never be great or respected for anything good. I think about the acquaintances I have and wonder what their judgements of me are? I also wonder if I’m so self important to assume they even care to have an opinion?!
IS IT THEIR FAULT OR YOUR FAULT?
Before I started writing this post I tried to remember occasions when I was younger, or feelings that I had had, that may have lead me to feel under-confident. I thought of one occasion when I went to a friend’s house as a child. She had a friend (who she would always acted differently around) who was visiting that day and they were swimming. As my Mom settled in for tea, I decided to join them (always trying to put on a brave face and never showing weakness). After a few minutes they said, “Just go under water, we want to tell each other something” and giggled. So I did.
The whole time I knew I was selling myself out. I resented them, even at 9 years old, but I did it anyway because I wanted to be ‘cool’. I thought if they could see that I was ‘cool’ then they’d be sorry and treat me with more respect. I wanted them to accept me. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, all I was doing was letting them treat me like nothing! What I should have done is said, “F*ck you two and your bitchiness! I literally could care less what you have to say”, gotten out the pool and walked away. But you don’t swear or think that clearly when you’re 9!
My point is that when you don’t stand up for yourself I feel that a part of you buys into the feeling that maybe you aren’t actually good enough. It’s almost like, every time you accept it, it becomes you. (Is this the worst story of bullying on the planet, ever? NOT BY A LONG SHOT!) But this is how the slippery slope of letting our self-worth go down the drain begins, by allowing people’s wants over our needs win the day. I often did this sort of thing and felt this way as a child and teenager. It’s BS really.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
The second thing Charlene said was,
“…whenever I feel that I am not good enough I think to myself “You are enough”. I saw this saying in a photo app I have and it just really resonated with me…”
When one of my friends is sad I say to them, ‘Come on now, you know you are perfectly wonderful and this is just a learning curve” or, “It’s ok to feel self-conscious, we all do sometimes and you’re awesome! You’re super duper awesome!” And I truly expect them to believe me because I mean it and because it’s true. So why can’t I believe myself?
IF SHE CAN DO IT, I CAN TOO.
While most people find the Kardashians to be a total joke, I’ve learnt a lot from them over the years and love their show. Many think the Bruce Jenner transition to Caitlyn is just another bump in their dramatic lifestory. And they’re right, it is. But there’s also a lot to be said for someone who decides at 65 (nogal), “To hell with what the world thinks…I’m going to be me.” If someone under global scrutiny, after sporting and television fame, can have the confidence to be true to himself, why can’t I? Why can’t I have the courage to live fearlessly in the pursuit of my own happiness?
“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business.”
– Martha Graham, Dancer & Choreographer
The older I get the more I swear I’ll care less what others think. And there is some part of me that has grown to care less – but that’s also because I’m super busy at work and don’t have too much time to notice what others are saying, LOL! But, in truth, if I did have the time I should also have the confidence to not care and be true to myself. If I die tonight, will I die happy knowing that I spent my life worrying about trying to keep others (who don’t even know me well or have my best interests at heart) happy? Or will I die happy knowing that I lived, took risks, was creative, was loving, made mistakes, laughed at myself, lived, failed, succeeded but above all, was true to myself? We both know the answer.